| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2008|12:58 am] |
it's the days at the end where we feel everything that we once felt during.
the feeling starts so delicately and grows like the heartbeat. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 26th, 2008|02:07 am] |
she sits in the nook and cranny of the window of the hall.
looking so mysteriously she eats with herself and speaks at walls.
I can't see how hard she is at all but that's just her fall.
so lost and unaware of them all she does what must be done. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 23rd, 2008|12:01 am] |
|
there's this bar we used to go to near downtown. I always knew it to be so that we'd always end up there. it was a hell of a place. quiet and dim during the day with the usual types. old hags and dirty men who smelled of dirt and sun. crazy blue collared fucks drinking the day of bliss and sorrow of life. I finally made my way to the end of the nights there and saw a life I never knew. the owners and I got on real well. I spoke up of my days ends. just like all regular cats often do when they've lost many fights. I could never really place it on my tongue to as why we ended up as one of their flys, it just sort of happened. I guess the reason is that if you like something enough you'll do it 'til it gets old but to us wild nights were never ending. we embraced alcoholism and drug enducing like a fly to waste. was it just fate? or was this just our chance? we became the victims of a lovely downfall. this one night never to came to the mind and it was not supposed to see and that door was only a crack but then hinges fell undone. |
|
|
| I Don't Even Know. |
[Oct. 2nd, 2006|09:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | where else? | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! | ] |
who saw the streamers coming? I was waiting for you to arrive with the bottle of warmth. saw the fireworks. saw the falling star. wished for a girl of his dreams. to be placed in his palm. woke to see a space craft had landed in the front yard. goes to show what luck. I heard that people wish and do a thing called hope for life. football and fast cars is what they have when we have music and books. what's the wrong with you? we both say. so quick to jump into a flame and spend our savings. and when I was a child I never saw it coming. I always ran in front of cars and you'd talk to strangers. do you hear that? what's your name? I never knew you and you never wanted to know me. you're looking at me with such detest. and I can't help but hate your friends. for all the reasons I hate all of the ones who left me to die. and there's a time when you become too big for your briches. and we grow far away from what we once were. a little group of children playing hide-and-seek in a far away land. not knowing the outcome of man. god, get me to the way we love. you look at me in a way of a party getting in a fight. can we just runaway and throw it all away. throw the money and fame in the flame. let's get back to the flame we all were. oh, wait, time doesn't count in a mystical way. let us go back. give time another way to live. |
|
|
| "Have You Ever Danced With The Devil In A Pale Moonlit Night?" |
[Sep. 19th, 2006|07:06 pm] |
two away almost to our present day.
marking the 12 of you.
shaping things to lead a better day.
you leap into these eyes.
I form into a shadow in yours to mold in this hope.
holding the faith of what once began.
walk and talk in frozen paths.
we shape our time in historical facts.
minute-hour-day-week-month-and to a year.
I'll keep the faith in you to strain for that perfect day.
and though their shadows keep you away.
from all of what began. in me. away from the clasp.
my faith follows you. you're under a trap.
this is a trap. this is your trap.
this is a trap. this is your trap!
you're trapped like a mouse by the cat.
stick it out. stick with me. you'll be safe.
running away all of your time, from you.
I found you and now, I'm trapped.
my faith is a trap and now, we're trapped. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2006|02:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lucero. | ] |
one more drink for the road.
call it my night cap before I get home.
and one before bed.
he had a nice word with a lil' girl before he got home.
and now he's watching gray skies thinking of her.
you know I can see it all right now.
record players playing the song he gave her.
called her up just to say hi.
sitting by the window 'til he gets home.
I wont have to worry 'cause she's not there.
only wanting more than she can give.
and when he's been had those better days.
I can't seem to fight enough. I've been down, down.
takes a walk around the streets.
just to find your name right in front.
staring at him with lil' eyes.
hope their waiting for me. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2006|09:50 pm] |
everyday it seems a little colder.
though, I'm sweating and mr. frost is nowhere near me.
but all the palms are drenched and quaking.
I'm always biting and never smiling.
it's very hard to determine what it is I'm turning.
I hang my head and hide from the familiar faces.
it's always something I have done and I'm begining to learn I'm nervous.
I never had the chance to be a child.
and it's always a dream that keeps churning.
the shadows up on the side walk are the only ones who understand my living.
and you don't want to know my laughter or my saddness.
'cause it's something I won't tell you even when I'm at my weakest end.
went to the end of the street just to hear that I was very out there.
and it seems that it's been the truth of all my lessons.
why am I the one who's always nervous and never happy?
I wait for the day we all can see specs of light in our skies.
and don't you know I had those child dreams and I never thought I'd feel good.
but then they churned my dreams even more then I felt good, even more. |
|
|
| Drink That Bottle. |
[Aug. 18th, 2006|08:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | same as before. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "The New" by Interpol. | ] |
when she's out and all on top she pours her wine.
not knowing he's been hospitalized.
claims she was stuck in a bermuda triangle.
couldn't come down to his funeral.
she was always into something that wasn't him.
unless he was living free of her and not breaking.
that's when she comes to save him
from spending the time forgetting.
and though, she can't help lying.
he's been on his matress lying and defining.
and will she not know why he's been looking.
I need some time to finally figure you out.
and let you come to me, I need you to feel alright with me.
but you wont let love steal all your lonliness.
there's a black hole that only we can see.
but she pretends that her prescripted eyes aren't strong enough.
baby, let me do the walking and eying. let's break the pretending.
I won't let you down, down, down. I am not pretending with my eyes. |
|
|
| Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place. |
[Aug. 18th, 2006|05:42 pm] |
so, I'm at the end of my peak. I've gone so far and held it all so tightly like young children hold their balloons on strings or kites so that they do not let go of what makes them happy and I have held it all in just as they however, it's quite the negatory aspect and now, I'm running in circles and I find it hard to swallow every situation throughout my days. I don't know how to manage this. It's all too difficult. I get so frustrated from the dull edge of things that proceed to go on in my life that leave me overwhelmed. I end up feeling mad and sad all in one. it's like, that tears for fears song, mad world. that's how I feel about almost everything that goes on with my life and has some sort of emotional confusion, as well as mental. but after it fades it's like, all these answers come to me in a form of a question. like, little nursery rhyme riddles that we used to read as babies and then I see the haze. the one over the mountains, far beyond my house. where all my tears lie and I feel hope. but not the hope of a young child. the hope of a new waking hour. you know, where there's this older man or maybe, an older womyn who've lived their lives and they see the morning sizzle for another breakfast only to close and finish it with their cup of tea or bottle of wild turkey and they see kids playing in the fields and all their hens fluttering as well as their neighbors drive on by and then they think to themselves my, I've lived all those waking minutes hours days weeks months and years to now and still I pass on through this night. and when I think about all that and feel that kind of hope I ask myself "have you passed through this night?". |
|
|
| The Beginings Never Decays. |
[Aug. 11th, 2006|07:56 pm] |
from this place, I know.
the skies been placed.
and we don't fight to see, anymore.
we've done this before.
but we're running away.
we're following nothing.
trying to end that road.
and I know we have to go.
but I'm finding a way out.
no longing to runaway.
... running away.
today, it's been 10 years.
and my memory can't die.
this place is too old for you.
but you will fight to end the road.
it's following the way you feel.
you can't fight ... running away.
I'm driving on and I see your hair waving smiling right back at me.
along the interstate we take to end it all.
the look in the car, the kiss that was born.
all the reasons to keep me around for nothing.
... and you cannot fight me, because I'm going down.
time. spent. drive. smoke. kiss. laugh. cry. explode.
don't you know we went to the park?
and I am still alone, trying to begin.
I promise you I will not memorize and die.
these are the timeframes I'd like to live on.
and you are the reason I pick my head up.
I promise you, I'm promising ...
I promise you not to runaway. |
|
|
| Pinecones. |
[Aug. 5th, 2006|02:38 am] |
she's there by his side.
not the one she said.
another one's dead head.
but why does she forget?
who knows? he's just not what I want.
she tells them. this is a great drink.
but ...
but what? oh, nevermind. I'll call out.
she mixes her mind and says another.
she's just different. so he says.
without a clue to know as why he feels.
it's just that she makes the best drink in all the bars.
but you can go to another bar.
I want this bar, he proclaims.
why, do I end up falling for you?
she's not there. she's never there.
there's no time for your neediness.
I have to ... meet me later?
he mixes his drink. stirring I know him all too well.
why, can't they realize how much time I have
so, he pulls up a chair and smokes his life.
drinks the cigarettes away and sits for her.
she crushed the ice I made her.
but wait, she does care.
you're just losing all the time. |
|
|
| Dry Throat. |
[Aug. 4th, 2006|08:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Is It Really So Strange?" by The Smiths. | ] |
she seems to wait every last minute.
whilst denying him of his happiness.
and all she knows is she's in the clear.
often they talk. when she's realized it's time.
or in his case, when he's lucky.
please, don't allow him to fall for her majesty.
but it seems as though he's nowhere to go.
and once again, she doesn't care to see.
plans change, decisions aren't final.
they work opposite and live the same.
when's a good time, now?
no sir.
tomorrow?
I'm sorry.
this weekend?
oh, wait. of course not.
he states and she's nothing to say.
why do we start something we cannot finish?
who knows? no one really cares.
what difference does it make?
he's at the bar while she's with him.
not cunning. not refined. not smart.
not witty. not there. not here. not you.
not me. not her. not hers. and I know.
will you spit in my face? he says.
what? she rebuttles.
oh, you didn't know? chuckled he.
were you even there?
'cause if it's not a bother.
you don't have to look.
but wait. I thought you liked me? |
|
|
| What'd You Think This Was? |
[Aug. 4th, 2006|08:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | restless | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Fake Plastic Trees" by Radiohead. | ] |
and he's been through it all.
why haven't the others called for help?
it's not our place.
no, thank you. she states.
it's wearing thin. he doesn't know how to deal.
and she won't know 'cause she refused.
and with this I say, men! raise up our glass I propose a toast.
but this isn't a 1980s film or a hepburn fantasy to get through the day.
thank you, for ruining my day.
I hope you're what I've always wanted.
because I'm meeting a man who sells his money for drugs.
and he's telling me everything from his divorce to arthritic mother.
and though his odor makes my nose hairs cringe I can't help but think of you.
you and all your wild escapades. you you you you. she she she she.
you walked into my life and now you're mine.
only now, your walking out. and I'm walking in, machine gun in hand.
baby, don't make me do it.
it's the booze, I say.
she claims, she'll see me tomorrow. |
|
|
| I'm Having A Great Time. |
[Aug. 4th, 2006|07:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pleased | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)" by The Arcade Fire. | ] |
so, what have you again?
another shot in the face?
why, yes, kind sir I shall have 3 more.
3 he says. oh really?
why, yes, of course.
don't you think it's worth the time?
no, not really.
I would do everything in my will to just give up.
you know, if I were you.
however, I am not your working conscience.
nope, no jimminey crickets for me.
although, you may be right about this one.
however, I still refuse to resign.
no punchlines here, ma'am.
I'm just going with it.
quit telling my praise, she says.
I will not stand for your wretched harmonies.
she pauses and restates her claim.
oh, dear. what have I done?
nothing. nothing at all my love.
you've left him a with a historical memory.
even the fans are amazed by your arttibutes.
you've cured the magic man's sickness.
but wait ... you're just a regular broad
and he needs another damn drink.
may this man bathe in your secret remedy?
can't you comprehend what any of this means?
all anyone ever wants is to find a cure.
do you want to come over? I want to watch you sleep. |
|
|
| Watch It All ... |
[Aug. 4th, 2006|06:57 pm] |
I'm constantly contemplating everything all at once.
you're raised to deal with each lesson as a tool.
in my case, I was still trying to figure out what the lesson was.
my parents are wondeful in every which way; I'm quite fond of them.
they're a beautiful match just as they are in their heart.
people are often curious and I'd say that I was the reason why.
my heart was never in the right place, nor was my mind.
I think it's because I never understood a thing they were telling me.
all I knew was that I just wanted to know more of what they were stating.
I like to think that the world is misunderstood by my own thoughts.
they never stop and wonder why then again ...
there really aren't any answers to any of our questions just reasons.
and that tends to bother me.
I can't quite grasp the concept of being told "it just is".
there has got to be more than that. don't you agree?
but all the while I just wanted you to sleep beside me.
and watch the morning rise.
will you wonder what it is that brought it all together?
I swore to myself that I wouldn't go back out, again.
but then we sat back down and decided to pick back up.
now, with every run-on sentence, I plead for your god bless you's that I cannot help but allow to leap from one end to another.
didn't you know, I'm a beatnic in every which way.
only difference is, I'm not real.
I'm just another lost love looking for the you to say it all. |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
swtendrhooligan's journal
blah
pensive